Orgasmic Coffee
by LittleBundleOfAcid
Summary: Jack gives Ianto the day off, and the rest of the team decide to pay him back and get the coffee they are lusting after at the same time. First Torchwood fic. Oh, and they find out Ianto's secret ingredient. well, what he says it is anyway


Gwen was cranky. For some unknown and God-forsaken reason Jack had given Ianto the day off, so she had yet to have her morning cup of amazing orgasm like coffee. Owen had made some using the machine, but it wasn't the same. Whatever Ianto Bloody Jones added to their coffee made it unique, and Gwen was cranky because she wanted some. She felt half-asleep, and her head hurt because her eyesight was gone all blurry from the lack of caffeine. She couldn't stay like this all day! What if something came through the rift? Gwen was more likely to get herself killed in this state than actually capture or kill the bloody thing.

She swung her chair around and glared at Jack as he walked past whistling, heading towards the archives. Gwen would bet Ianto had given him some coffee before kicking him out this morning. He had nothing to complain about, but Gwen, Owen and Tosh did. Bloddy immortal from-the-future jerk who was completely inconsiderate had got his dose of amazing orgasm like caffeine. Come to think of it, that probably had not been the only thing Ianto had given their jerk of a captain before work this morning either. He had probably got the orgasm along with the orgasm like coffee.

Jack's whistling was still heard even with him amongst the archives, and Gwen got a mischievous idea into her head as she stared at the door to the archives. Owen and Tosh were on this side of the door with Gwen. If she could close the door and lock Jack inside they could get Jack back for giving Ianto the day off and denying them their coffee, and call Ianto in for an alleged emergency without their precious captain interrupting or stopping them.

Gwen quickly grabbed a post it and wrote a note for Owen on it. Tosh would be no help. She would worry too much. Besides, Owen would get her involved anway without her even realising it.

_Will you distract Tosh? I'm going to lock Jack in the archives,, and then we'll ring Ianto and tell him that there's an emergency. I think we all need some proper coffee. _

Owen smirked as he read her note, and Gwen could tell straight away that he could do his part. He got up out of the chair smartly, and walked over to Tosh. Gwen rolled her eyes as asian beauty blushed. If those two didn't get together soon she would crack.

"So Tosh, how's the new computer software design going?"

Gwen could tell that Owen had distracting Tosh under control, so she carefully got out of her chair and walked toward the door of the archives as quietly as she could. Jack was still whistling, and Gwen gritted her teeth as she recognised "American Pie". She really hated that song, and her boss knew she did. She could see him now. His back was turned to her, and he was looking through a box of documents.

Gwen had just begun to put her hands on the door when she heard Tosh ask her what she was doing. Jack quickly turned around at the sound of her question, and his eyes widened as he saw Gwen about to lock him in. She pushed the door closed as he started to move towards her, and yelled for Owen to helo her lock it.

"Oweb! Owen, for God's sake help me."

It didn't take more than five seconds for them to lock the door, and by the time Jack started banging on it and demanding to be let out it was secured.

"Nuh-huh, Jack. It's your own fault for denying us our our coffee. For heaven's saks, you're American! Aren't you supposed to know the importance of coffee?"

It took Jack 15 minutes to stop yelling, and in that time Tosh had goten cookie from the dark side and decided to help them. She had sound effects ready to be played when they rang Ianto, and Jack's shouts asking what was happening and what they were planning to do helped convince him the emergency in the hub was real.

It only took him ten minutes to arrive, much to Gwen, Owen and Tosh's delight. They had everything he needed to make their coffee out.

"Gwen? I thought there was an emergency? You said you needed me here right away."

The look of confusion on his face gave way to one of anger as Jack decided to join the conversation from behind the still locked door.

"Ianto! Yanto, can you please open the door?"

"You locked him in the archives? Why the hell did you do that?"

He unlocked the door as he questioned them, and Jack came storming out, and answered for the rest of his team.

"They locked me in there so they could call you in to make you make them some coffee."

Ianto raised and eyebrow in response, and Gwen resisted the temptation to giggle. She was a grown woman, and a grown woman would not giggle. Oh, her fiancee was never going to beleive she had done this.

"You locked your boss into the archives, and faked an emergency just to get me to make you some coffee."

Gwen shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, and Tosh looked down towards he feet. Owen however verbally responded.

"Well, are you going to make some coffee or just stand there with your eyebrows raised all day? Because I need some of your caffeine, Tea-boy, preferably in the next five minutes."

A few minutes later, Gwen sighed in relief and murmured a "mmm" after her first sip of amazing orgasm like coffee all day. She really did have to ask Ianto what he put in his coffee.

"Ianto?"

"Yes?"

He turned again with raised eyebrows, obviously wondering what else she wanted him to do now.

"What do you add to your coffee?"

Owen and Tosh quickly looked up, eager to find out Ianto's secret. Each of them took another sip while they waited for him to answer. Jack smirked as he recognised the mischeivous and vengeful look in his boyfriend's eyes. This would be fun.

"Crushed viagra pills. I find they add flavour, don't you? Jack gives them to me from his supply."

All three of his team mates started to choke on their coffee as their brains processed what Ianto said.

"Viagra?"

Coffee was spilt as all three stood in shock. Jack and Ianto laughed at them, until the former realised what his boyfriend had said.

"Are you implying I have problems getting it up?"

His outraged look had no effect on Ianto, and he responded with a cheeky "well, you are a bit older than the rest of us".


End file.
